Political analysis

Hello everyone, Parker and I are here at the Stuffie Presidential Campaign Headquarters. We are going to check in with our campaign team and talk to some of our trusted political advisors.

“Ajdin, a recent poll says that you will gain 4% more votes if you wear pants!” said Miss Feathers.

“But I really hate pants,” I protested.

“4% means a lot in those crucial swing states,” she said.

“Well, I suppose I could wear them for a while,” I replied.

“Ajjjjjdiiiin… a neeeew pooooll sayyyys vooooteeeers waaant tooo seeee youuuu beeee mooore enviiiiirooonmeeentaallllyy friiiendlyyy.”

“I think I’m already quite environmentally friendly. What else could I do?” I asked.

“Youuuu caaaan giiiive uuuup youuuuur caaaar,” said Ooogie, as he drove my beloved roadster away.

“Noooooo…” I could only watch as it rolled out of sight.

I sat down and let out a sigh.

“Parker, this is not what I thought running for President would be like. First, I have to wear pants, then my car is gone. What’s next?”

“Woof!”

“I know! I’ll have a jar of honey to cheer myself up,” I said.

“Hey Ajdin,” said Uncle Tibbs. “New polling suggests that 5% of voters will respond more positively to your campaign if you switch to honey alternatives, like stevia or agave nectar.

“But…”

“So I’ll just go ahead and take those away,” said Uncle Tibbs.

“Hey, now wait just a minute…”

Pants? My car? And now honey?

STOP!!!


“Everyone stop! This is madness!” I shouted.

“But Ajdin, don’t you want to get more votes?”

“Dooon’t youuuuu waaaaant tooooo wiiiiin?”

I paused.

“I just want… to be myself,” I said, finally.

“Have we forgotten why we created this movement in the first place? We are stuffies, and stuffies are true to their word. We will never lie or cater to special interests groups. We stand for honesty, courage, and kindness.”

“Woof!”

“My name is Ajdin Adilovic…

“… I do not like to wear pants…”

“… I love my car …”

“… and I love honey!”

My campaign team cheered.

“I will never change and I am proud of being me! I hope I will earn your vote in November!”

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