Captain’s log, stardate 41254.7.3.298.38.11.00.33.something something.
Our ship, the USS Enterprise, is responding to a distress signal by an unknown vessel located in the outer edge of the Romulan Empire near Vadris III. If we were going warp speed, we would get there fairly quickly, but since Daaataaaa is at the helm, we are traveling at 5 miles per hour.
But like any good captain would do, I have decided to test our weapon systems in the meantime, in the event we encounter enemy fire.
It’s time to test our phasers!
I haven’t fired a shot with one of these things since I graduated from the Starfleet Academy. I’m sure I’ll remember how to —
“Captain! Captain, are you alright?” It was Lieutenant Commander Tibbs, Chief of Security.
“Whoa… I think… THAT WAS AWESOME!!” I exclaimed.
“These phasers pack a punch! Look at that!”
“But perhaps just a little less firepower, Lieutenant?”
This is Captain Jean-Lox Bearcard signing off!