Captain’s log, stardate 842.83.084.002… *takes breath*… 98384.40390202… *takes breath*… 203.383838.29… okay whatever, that’s close enough! Who invented this calendar anyways?
Our ship, the USS Enterprise, is still responding to a distress signal in the outer edge of the Romulan Empire near Vadris III. I am about to check in with my crew for the daily update.
“Hello everyone!” I said.
“Good morning, Captain Jean-Lox Bearcard!” they replied.
“Captain, you are wearing pants,” observed Lieutenant Commander Tibbs, Chief of Security.
I looked down – he was right.
“Well that’s interesting. There must be a glitch in the computer’s wardrobe program,” I said.
“Please remove these pants.”
“There, that’s much better!”
“Captain, I believe not wearing pants is a security violation of the Starfleet –“
RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
The crew was knocked to the ground by a strong, startling impact.
“What was that? Everyone, to your stations! Damage report please!”
“Deflector shields are down to 50%! We can’t handle another attack of that magnitude, whatever that was!” said Chief Engineer Geordi La Fish.
“Daaataaaa, can you get us out of here?” I asked.
“I’mmmmm tryyyying,” he said. “Buuuut thereeeee issss a traaaactoooor beeeeeaaamm hooooldiiiing usssss baaaack.”
“I detect a puzzling feeling from this enemy ship,” said Counselor Deanna Tweet.
“Captain, we are being hailed,” said Commander Tibbs.
“JEAN-LOX BEARCARD, CAPTAIN OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE, REGISTRY NCC-1701D. YOU WILL LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND PREPARE TO TRANSPORT YOURSELF ABOARD OUR VESSEL. IF YOU DO NOT COOPERATE, WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIP.”
“You have committed an act of aggression against the United Federal of Planets. If you do not withdraw immediately -“
“YOU WILL SURRENDER YOURSELF OR WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIP.”
“I refuse to obey your commands -“
“WE ARE BORG. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.”